I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
