I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
