YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
