Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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