p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
