Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
