i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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