Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
