i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
