I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
