Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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