i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
