I hate your face
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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