i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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