who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
