is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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