Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
