I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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