I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize