Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
