i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
