So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
