if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
