weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
