lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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