What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
