I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
