I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
