you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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