I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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