Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
