sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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