the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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