If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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