I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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