My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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