So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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