He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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