What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize