you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
