Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need moral support for this bender
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
