God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
