Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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