I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
