I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She needs sedatives and a leash
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
