it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize