Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
