I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
