Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize