I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
