He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Your dad touched me again.
we made out on top of his cat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
