She's JV to your varsity
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
