Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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