This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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