I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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