Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
