She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
