I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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