I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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