i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
