and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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