Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
