She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize