YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
