it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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