we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
