I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
