I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize