Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
