If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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