i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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